Pre-flight jitters-Catherine's plus-size store

Ugh, so I'm leaving for Tokyo in about 36 hours. I spent today at such places as Target, Old Navy (I know, I know - sometimes a girl just needs a $35.00 jean jacket, okay?), and eventually ShopKo in search of, among other things, a bathrobe. The guesthouse where I am staying has a shared shower and I'll be damned if I'll be wandering the hallways in a towel. Anyway, it appears there's no such thing left for sale in this town. After several hours of shopping, an activity I like just less than sprinting, I left ShopKo and saw, to my right, a "Catherine's Plus Size" store. I have never seen this store before in my life, but it seemed like the sort of place one could find a $20.00 cotton bathrobe, at least, on the logic that enormous ladies of a "certain age" don't wander about in their skimpy things to and fro the bathtub. In desperation I lowered my head and embarked.

The "stars and stripes" window display was a little off-putting, but I persevered. I entered immediately after a very poorly proportioned lady in a "Harley Davidson" leather jacket - one of those women who looks sort of like an apple on a stick, who told the "greeter" she had some items on layaway. Yipes. The greeter took her name (Karen - a pseudonym, if "Karen" has any sense of dignity) and then led me to the racks of muumuus and gingham overshirts where, she claimed, bathrobes were located.

In fact there was no such animal. There was all manner of zip-up housecoat and sequined (dear God!) nightshirts. I don't claim to be a small girl: in fact, I've gained more weight than I care to admit even to myself since my move to the Midwest, but the smallest size looked like it could be used to snare wild game by spanning it, cartoon-style, between two neighboring trees. I became short of breath, and made my way swiftly, to the exit, but not before (over)hearing a big-boned blonde on her cellphone saying, apparently facetiously, "Oh, yah, I'll get a mini-skirt."

So. Under 36 hours and still without a bathrobe. Tomorrow pups gets on a plane to my mom and dad; more news then.

OH MY GOD

It has finally happened: this hot dude I fucked on a dare at NYU is on "Elimidate." (Click "Steven," Wednesday 5/10)

Oh, my God. Maybe one of those lucky ladies ended the night listening to him apologize for his performance. Good times, those.

Also he came over to study once, threw his attache on my sofa and asked me where his dinner was.

Oh, yuh

Awesome, kind of.

"everything angry"

Sometimes I think I am obsessive neurotic. Like in Freud's case history, about the guy who trips over a stick and tells himself he will go back and put it the right way and can't get any rest until he goes back and does it? I remember reading that in college, and when Freud wrote that ONs were hyper-sensitive to sound, I was all, "hot damn! So THAT's what's wrong with me!" But then, maybe I'm just a petty cunt.

So,hmmm. I have been trying to edit my little headline to delete "and slut," and add a subtitle that reads, "EVERYTHING ANGRY," the former (and, come to think of it, the latter, too) because one has to relinguish the title when the only action she's seen in like six months is letting a balding Republican go down on her. For real. (It's been a rough semester, porkies.) Alas, goddam blogger won't let me, so just try to close your eyes and imagine a more accurate and rewarding blogsperience.

Anyway, here's another link to stupid shit. Unless you were at the Chicago O'Hare Hyatt Regency this weekend, in which case you basically got to see it live. Loser.

Oh, my.

So. I finally shat out a 21-page paper, in about 37 hours, during which I have become more bitter and "spinster-y" (as my mom puts it). I live in a building with 15 units and 2 guest spots. Now, this isn't really an issue anymore, since I usually go out instead of entertaining, but it's irritating that these two spots are occupied everyday by the same two vehicles - one, it turns out, by some bitch who lives in a neighboring building. People just feel so goddam ENTITLED. Bitch gonna get towed tomorrow.

In happier and less obsessive news, I am leaving for a month in Tokyo in less than two weeks. I have hella shit to do between now and then, including giving in and getting a pair of "crocs," but in the meanwhile I've been cruising craigslist Tokyo for miscellaneous weird shit, when I came upon this (shudder):


Be sure to check out the blog, if you like night terrors.