Sometimes I realize how awesome I am

I just sent this email to a dude with whom I had one date, who never called, but drives by my place all the time:

As part of my ongoing project of emotional self-fulfillment, I thought I’d write to let you know what a prick I think you are. Initially I planned to save it to my hard drive to remind myself why I don’t date, but I realized that was sorta gay, like when people write letters to diseases they have.

Thanks for dinner. Fish fry is AWESOME
Thanks for returning my phone call. That was very classy. Oh, shit! That’s right! You didn’t! That’s actually the opposite of classy.
If you took the opposite of classy and squared it, you would get something along the lines of driving by my place while I was walking the dog and not acknowledging me.

So, best of luck with everything. I presume you did NOT see “Story of the Weeping Camel” on Wednesday. I, for one, went to a lecture on Adorno by Professor Garcia Duttman, who was a visiting prof. at NYU when I was there in 2000.

Go Fuck Yourself,

Caitlin

What up, blogees? [Christo is an idiot]

Seriously. If I had $21 million I would find a way NOT to make everyone resent me. Shit, dudes like Christo make it hella hard to argue for modern art's validity.


Introducing, for the first time on PL: HARGO!!!!!

For real. Click it. It's great.

PS the response

For the record, it's totally aweseome that there is a gay site called "just us boys." Hellz yes.

Holy Mackanoli I am hungover

Oh, for Christ's sake. I just wrote a buncha paragraphs and lost 'em, trying to find a link for "stupid white Wiscaaahsin boys." Fair readers, I am confident your mental image is accurate and sufficient.

SOOOOO the world's favorite Caitlin finished a small bottle of JWB (Johnnie Walker Black) last night. I don't recommend it, no matter how retched your week has been, no matter how aesthetically and morally offensive men are.

As for the latter, I dragged my fat ass out of bed and dressed up, including lipstick (to resemble an animate female human) and went to the bookstore with DemonDog, where I ran into this stupid hippie guy I nailed last year while on mushrooms and his new girlfriend who HAPPENS to be another first-year anthropology PhD candidate.

As I later confessed to my mom, it's okay because I am better than they are. Besides which (I also told mom, drunkenly) "I am FANTASTIC IN BED, so I just assume that's what's in his mind every time I see him"

Date Part 2: The Aftermath

Dear Date:

Go fuck yourself, and stop driving by my condo. LUV,

Caitlin

We've Got Tonight. Who Needs Tomorrow?

I have a date on Friday, so you'll all be glad to know that I may well see another human penis in my lifetime.

I don't really know what an MP3 is

...but it doesn't matter. What the world needs now is vintage nerd rock. It's the only thing that can save us.

Courtesy of Stay Free Magazine's "My New Favorite Thing."

Happy Fucking Valentine's Day

Seriously, buying teddy bears dressed in little outfits for grownups is offensive enough, as far as I'm concerned.

Now I'm off to get myself drunk and take advantage of myself.

Even my dolls are obese:

This is fucked up. Yet strangely fascinating.

One Less SUV

Sometimes things like this happen and it seems like there is justice, after all.